AAECT 2017

It was my privilege to attend the 49th annual conference of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) this year in Las Vegas. This was my third AASECT conference I've attended and every year I've gone it has been inspiring and revitalizing in different ways.

The Good

Attending conferences of likeminded professionals is refreshing for a few reasons. First, it allows me to continue my education by attending workshops and lectures by researchers and professionals that are studying things I haven't myself specialized in, or think more deeply about stuff I've only pondered superficially. This year, I learned more about perimenopause, models of professional ethical decision making, recognizing when we fuck up and constructing the ideal apology, and experiences of women of color at the forefront of the sex positive feminist movement of the 1970s.

Secondly, I can delve deeper and examine fresh perspectives about subjects that I do specialize in. I heard personal stories of abuse and trauma and learned more about how religious shame hurts sexual expression. These are subjects about which I could never finish learning, since each experience is unique and has something to teach me as a practitioner. I also attended a lecture about changing the narrative of the trans experience from one of powerless victimhood to empowered decision-making, something I've had lots of thoughts about but had never put into words--the talk was inspiring, a breath of fresh air!

Third, I attended various sessions that reaffirmed my skills and methods as a practitioner. Charlie Glickman, a fellow sexological bodyworker, taught a pre-conference workshop geared at introducing our work to therapists and counselors, and giving them some tools that we use that they can use with their clients. Even though I knew the material well, hearing him talk about it helped add to my fluency, and he introduced some of the tools in a way that I hadn't quite conceptualized before. I'm very grateful I had the opportunity to attend.

I also caught a presentation of PhD research about the efficacy of BodySex, Betty Dodson (and Carlin Ross)'s particular method of somatic sex education. The entire room was very inspired to want to incorporate somatic sex education and I learned more about how to pitch it to practitioners so that they know the value of what I do.

The last session I attended was by a surrogate sexual partner, Andrew Heartman. Again, I didn't learn anything new, but rather gained a fluency of how to talk about tools I already have in my toolkit. And getting the chance to do the exercises again and with strangers who had never done it before was a reminder of how powerful and effective the tools can be.

I plan to write more about these experiences in their own blog posts.

The Bad

Not everything at AASECT was inspiring and progressive. Frustratingly, some of the talks about Trans issues were lacking--things like, "Here's a picture of a pregnant... man? I think I got that right?" showed that the so-called experts who were presenting on trans issues were themselves not well-versed in trans culture.

Although this year was the first year AASECT handed out pronoun buttons to put on our nametags (mine said "they/their/them"), there is still not a culture of asking people their pronouns. Even at the Trans special interest group (SIG) meeting, this was nearly forgotten. In fact, a friend of mine that I met at the Trans SIG was misgendered on stage, as they are nonbinary but were identified as a "she".

Not everything all the time is perfect. I'm sure there were other problematic elements of the conference, but these were the ones about which I was most aware. I'm glad that I navigated the conference in the company of other trans (and/or nonbinary) folks so that we could point these out to each other, provide support and reassurance about what would have been best in those scenarios, and brainstorm how we could make things better.

The Best

On my way to AASECT for my third year, I was feeling a bit lonely. The first year that I attended, the conference was in California and so many of my colleagues from school attended. The second year in Minneapolis I felt much more lonely, and as much as I tried to reach out to people, I didn't feel I made many lasting connections. Looking around, I would see so many people who were happy to see each other and collaborated from distances during the year. I wanted connections like that, so this year I had as a goal to make true and lasting friendships.

The trans special interest group was at 8am on the second day of the conference, and it was a struggle to wake up. I wasn't sure who would be there, or what a special interest group even was--there weren't any details in the conference program. But I'm so glad I made it.

I had mixed feelings about the SIG in general. As I mentioned, the organizer forgot to ask us our pronouns. Most of the group was cis therapists who specialize in trans clients, and the whole group seemed partly like a plug for the (cis) organizer's certification process for therapists to work with trans clients--being that she forgot to ask us our pronouns, several of us were left wondering what her certification process would be like.

But the SIG is also where I met My People: two transmasculine therapists from Wichita, KS, a nonbinary sex educator from Georgia and a nonbinary therapist from San Diego. Together we reached out to other trans conference attendees and had talks about how to make AASECT better not just for the trans people at the conference, but for the trans clients of the AASECT practitioners. We processed the sessions we attended with each other and in between sat with our feet in the pool or drank outside on giant poolside beds.

Overall, the reason I went to the AASECT conference was for professional development, inspiration and education. But the connections I made gave flavor to the conference, made it more impactful and enjoyable. I'm grateful for these connections and the potential for collaboration in the future.

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